Somewhere on the web,
Possible social media,
Tuesday 18th October 2016
I would like to say a massive THANK YOU to everyone that has sent me messages, emails, texts, DMs, tweets and well-wishes over the last few weeks. I am sorry that I have been unable to respond to everyone individually, but please understand that I fully appreciate the sentiments and kindness of every single one of you that took the time to reach out to me. From the bottom of my heart – THANK YOU.
I cannot begin to describe the different waves of emotion, distress and exhaustion that wash over me on a daily basis. I know that I would not be able to cope without my amazing support network of close friends, loved ones, and my #RailwayFamily. I feel a little lost without my routine of railway life, but I'm hoping to find my way back to the railway soon – my employer and my GP have been so supportive, and I will be starting some counselling this week to help make sense of a situation that was beyond my control.
I fully understand that a human that decides to take their own life by using my train as their method is not my fault, but I still don't fully understand why I am hounded by a strange sense of guilt and shame. I feel guilty for feeling angry – or for feeling anything at all. It's all so exhausting.
Meanwhile, I try to take each day as it comes. And although it sounds hideously cliché, there's much truth in some of those overused sayings. Time is a funny thing – in my mind, the incident is all still so slow... everything has felt so slow, but then I look at the date and think, "Shit – has it really been nearly a fortnight?"
Everyone is telling me to take my time, but it's really hard when time doesn't feel consistent.
Hoping to speak to you all soon.
All my love,
Anne / 3.1