New Horizons / by 3.1

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Home. Life. Work. Love. I stand still to think and everything is so different from what I remember.

Summer has been and gone, along with adventures to lands near and far. Travels and transit aside, there have been developments at work, as well as where one could now consider to be home. Life has been moving pretty fast. I'm not sure if I have just been blinking my eyes twice as much or what, but as soon as I think things are slowing down, all of a sudden it all starts speeding up again. 

Over 300 days have been and gone.  Things change and people change, and as a creature of habit it would be hard for me or anybody else to think and believe that I've changed. But I have changed (sort of), and whether or not it's for better or for worse where everybody else is concerned is neither here nor there. Ruthless and hardy; braver and haughty. No longer the sharpest axe crashing onto the floor because its wall fixings are shit, but more a dulled blade in the safety of a tool chest. And certainly with more tenacity and a zero tolerance for being taken for granted. And so, with that in mind, life these days sees me with somebody new. Now and again, I'll think about how things were in my old life, but I'm over picking it apart until I can't exhale anymore without feeling like I need to beat my chest so hard to kickstart the process of breathing again. I'm not going to be cliché and say I feel like new or "reborn", but I certainly recognise the fact that I feel different.

I am just content. For that is all I can really ask for. I've learnt that to strive for happiness is just something that cannot really be obtained, especially as I will always be naturally melancholy, with my dark moods and darker side to match. The best that one can hope for is that feeling of satisfaction and sense of fulfilment that comes with it. No more and no less. I don't feel like I'm stuck on that street with one way traffic anymore, fighting against the flow and losing: I'm still fighting against the flow, but I'm getting somewhere because somebody's pulling me through to get to the end because they understand why it's so important.